The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
