oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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