??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just tell him i said nine months
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
