I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
