I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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