Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize