He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
