Plan B is the new Plan A
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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