i think i have herpe
just one?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
