I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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