dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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