we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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