can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
