Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
two words...techno handjob
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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