How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize