my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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