this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
