i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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