I wish my penis had an off switch
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
