this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize