How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
