cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
