So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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