The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
