I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
