I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I forget how to act sober
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
