I skipped work to stalk him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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