apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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