it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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