I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize