Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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