There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
