just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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