guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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