If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
