people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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