i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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