My friends, they love my intelligence
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
