So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
