Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
