We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
