I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
