either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
