I'm gonna have a badass scar
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
