Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
