I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
