Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
