Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
