Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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