dude i'm inner monologue high
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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