No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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