I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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