some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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