You can't motorboat a personality
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize