So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
