OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
