You made me cry and you don't even care
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
