I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
