why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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