Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
