saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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