I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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