I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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