this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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