Me too!
there's paper in my vomit.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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