Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
