Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
