She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
