ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize