Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
