New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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