Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
