yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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