I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
