did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize