Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
