I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
handjob tips. give me some.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
