I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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