I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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