So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
