the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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