I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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