I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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