when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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