Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
