it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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